it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
