im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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