This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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