If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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