so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
