exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
