I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
