hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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