Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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