Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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