I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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