doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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