btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
