I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
