We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
