why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
