Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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