it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize