So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
