3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
