At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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