i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
