You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
