return my video game
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
id be glad to
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize