I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
