matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
