I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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