he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
