You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
