$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
