My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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