I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize