it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
