so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
