It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
