how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
