saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
