I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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