I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
