His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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