we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
