She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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