Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
