i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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