You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
