Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
