my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
