So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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