apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well I just put wine in my tea
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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