North Korea, Best Korea!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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