Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
