I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you didnt know i had herpes?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
