I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
