I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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