so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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