New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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