Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
