Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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