i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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