I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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