So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize