Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
