you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
