Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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