my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
accomplished twins. life is a go
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
