is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
