I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
