You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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