you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize