Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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