I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
