If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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