i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
